Wordless Weekender: Happy Valentine's Day

Tomato Bread Pudding (aka Rachel Ray FAIL, or DON'T Try This at Home)

Amy writes:

Monday was the first day back for teachers, and while most of you don't have sympathy for us, and only a few of you have empathy for us, we were tired. It was only professional development, but it was exhausting to hear how the new plan, based on state guidelines, of how we teachers are going to be "rated." I'm not going to go into that. But Tuesday was the staff potluck bar-b-cue and on the way home from school on Monday, I couldn't even bring myself to stop at the store. 

I got home, changed into pajamas, and wandered around the kitchen, racking my brain wondering how I was going to keep up my culinary reputation among my co-workers when I had almost no ingredients and no creative energy. Then I spotted that loaf of Italian bread I just had to buy on Saturday that was so far untouched. I could make a bread pudding (please, Lord, let me have some milk and eggs). 

Of course, the milk was spoiled and while Chris wasn't yet home, so could stop for me, by this time I had my eye on the pile of garden tomatoes (some ours, some from the neighbor) on the windowsill and the wheels started turning. Is there such thing as tomato bread pudding?

An Internet search turned up a few interesting recipes that I thought I could rely on: one from Giada, which sounded very good but seemed a little complicated on this particular evening; one from Geoffrey Zakarian, whom I adore and think is a genius, but that one sounded more like a bread salad, and I had made that last year; and one by Rachel Ray.  

Now, I don't mean to offend anyone here, but, to put it mildly (or, perhaps, to understate it), I am not a fan of Rachel Ray nor have I ever been. I don't like her forced perkiness, I can't stand those too-cutesy names for foods she makes up (e.g. "stoup" and "sammies"), and I firmly believe that really good food takes longer than 30 minutes to make. But I ignored my instincts out of sheer weariness and the desire for a relatively easy, quick recipe that used what I had on hand (namely, butter, old bread, and garden tomatoes).

I followed her recipe to the letter, other than doubling it to make a portion fit for a crowd. I took a long look at it before I put it in the oven. It's old bread, tomato puree, a little salt, a little sugar, a little pepper, some butter and cheese. Where was the real flavor going to come from, I wondered? It needed herbs, at the very least, so I sprinkled it with Italian seasoning and called it a night. As it cooked, it smelled very good. When it came out of the oven, it looked pretty good. I stole a small corner piece to taste. It tasted like soggy-ass pizza. So nasty that I refuse to include the recipe here because I really don't wish this on you. What a waste of some gorgeous tomatoes! Wah!

I re-checked the recipe and realized it wasn't me. I hadn't made any errors, had even added flavor to it, and now there was nothing else to be done. I cooled it, chilled it, brought it to school and served it at room temperature. Most unusually, but certainly not unexpectedly (especially after that icky taste test), not a single person asked for the recipe. Really, dear readers. Don't try one this at home.

Thanks for nothing, "Ray-Ray." Next time, I'll have Chris stop for milk.

Texas Roadhouse Rolls (Secret Recipe Club)

It's November's Secret Recipe Club Reveal Day and boy, did we get lucky! We were assigned 365 Days of Baking and More, an incredible blog by Lynne filled with sooo many baking (and non-baking!) recipes that we had a very difficult time choosing one. We were quite tempted to stay in our comfort zone and make something that didn't involve baking. As you are probably aware, we've had some baking issues in the past. But then, we decided to challenge ourselves. Lynne's blog is primarily about baking, and we should embrace the theme! So, then, the questions were: should we make one of Lynne's dozens of cookie recipes? Homemade Suzy-Q's in tribute to the (oh-so-sad) end of Hostess? Donuts? Muffins? Brownies? Cupcakes? Then we saw it: a copycat recipe for Texas Roadhouse's famously fabulous rolls with cinnamon honey butter. Woot!!!

If you have ever been to a Texas Roadhouse, you know what we're talking about. These rolls are light, fluffy, slightly sweet, amazing bites of paradise. We love them and do our best not to fill up on them before the rest of our food comes. We often fail. We were so excited to see Lynne's recipe, punctuated with her enthusiasm for how good they come out. To quote her:

           "This is one of those recipes on the 365 blog that I STRONGLY recommend that you make!  I'm not trying to force you into anything here, but I really don't think you'll be sorry. These should be served at EVERY special occasion!! Even when there isn't a special occasion you just NEED, yes you NEED to have these in your life. They. Are. Almost. Better. Than. Chocolate. Almost."

That did it for us. We were going to make rolls. From scratch. For the first time, ever. Here we go! We followed her recipe exactly. Her blog had clear, step-by-step directions and pictures to go along with them, so it was easy to follow. Nothing about it was especially difficult, although it was sort of time-consuming, you know, waiting for the dough to rise and rest and all that. At the same time, it was kind of fun!!! Baking?!?! Fun?!?!? Yes, we said it.

Results? Our rolls were a teensy-weensy bit dry. Nothing that delicious butter couldn't take care of. We ended up with 21 rolls, so as usual, we shared with the neighbors. Perhaps we are too critical of our own work, because D texted, "OMG. #%@ amazing. It was perfection. I could eat 10 of those. Like a dessert." Enough said. Thank you, Lynne! You may have converted us!

How great would these be on the Thanksgiving table?!?!?

Texas Roadhouse Rolls

Ingredients:

4 teaspoons (2 packages) active dry yeast
1/2 cup warm water
2 cups milk scalded and cooled to lukewarm
1/2 cup plus 1 teaspoon sugar, divided
4 tablespoons melted butter, divided
7-8 cups flour, divided
2 whole eggs
2 teaspoons salt

Cooks' note: Since we had never made bread by hand before, we found this website about kneading dough very helpful!

In the bowl of a stand mixer, dissolve the yeast with the warm water and the teaspoon of sugar. With the dough hook attachment, mix in the milk, remaining 1/2 cup of sugar, and 2 1/2 cups flour to make a medium batter. Mix thoroughly. Allow to stand until light and foamy, about 8-10 minutes. Add 3 tablespoons melted butter, eggs and salt. Continue to mix with the dough hook until well combined. Slowly add remaining flour, to form a soft dough. Turn dough out onto a lightly floured surface, and allow it to rest for about 10 minutes. While dough is resting, prepare a large bowl by spraying it with cooking spray. Knead dough until it is smooth and satiny (we did this by hand and it took about 7-8 minutes). Place into prepared bowl and turn over, coating it with oil. Cover bowl tightly with plastic wrap and set to rise in a warm area until double in size, about 1-1 1/2 hours. Punch dough down. On a lightly floured surface and with a lightly floured rolling pin, flatten dough into a rectangle until it is about 1/2-inch thick. Fold the rectangle in half the short way so that it is about 1-inch in thickness, and lightly roll together to seal the sides together. Allow to rest for 10 minutes. With a dough scraper, cut into rolls. Place rolls on a greased baking sheet. Cover with a damp towel and allow to rise in a warm area until double in size, about 1 hour or so. Preheat oven to 350 and bake rolls for 10-15 minutes or until lightly golden. Upon removing from oven, brush tops with melted butter.
Serve with Cinnamon Honey Butter.

Cinnamon Honey Butter

Ingredients:

1/2 cup butter (1 stick), room temperature
1/4 cup honey
1 teaspoon cinnamon

In the bowl of an electric mixer fitted with the whisk attachment, beat the butter for approximately 30 seconds until lightly whipped. Add honey and cinnamon and beat until smooth and thoroughly combined, scraping down the sides of the bowl. Continue beating on medium-high speed until light and fluffy, about 2-3 minutes.

Dissolve the yeast with water and sugar.

Scald the milk and allow to cool to lukewarm.

The yeast starts to foam up in the bowl.

Add the scalded milk, sugar and flour and mix with the dough hook attachment.

Allow it to stand until it is light and foamy, about 10 minutes.

Add the melted butter, eggs and salt.

Mix in remaining flour using the dough hook attachment until it forms a soft dough.

Turn onto a lightly floured surface and allow to rest for 10 minutes.

Knead dough until soft and satiny. When you pinch it, it should feel like an earlobe.

Turn into a bowl sprayed with cooking spray, then flip it.

Cover tightly with plastic wrap and allow it to sit in a warm place for 1 to 1 1/2 hours, until it doubles in size.

It doubled!

Punch it down. It's amazing how full of air it is!

Roll it out to 1/2 inch thickness on a floured surface. It takes up our whole baking mat!

Fold it in half and roll it to be about 1 inch thick.

Use a baking scraper to cut into desired size rolls.

Place on a greased cooking sheet.

Cover with a damp towel and allow to rise in a warm place for about an hour.

Bake at 350 for 15 minutes, until golden brown.

Brush with remaining tablespoon of melted butter.

Huzzah! We made rolls!!!

Serve warm with cinnamon honey butter.